Dryad Characters: Rodney Love


This guy only has the same haircut as Rodney Love. The real Rodney Love is much more handsome. He is also more “corporationy.”

I know you don’t see much of yourself in me, father, but I can be a high-stakes player too. – Rodney Love

Rodney Love is the heir to the great Timber Corporation. He’s generally an easygoing and smooth-talking guy who would rather be surfing than sitting through boring business meetings. However, Rodney wants to prove himself as a serious business-savvy corporation leader in order to impress his critical father.


What is it about surfing that appeals to you?

I grew up in a prep school on the east coast, in Boston, and found it pretty oppressive. I guess I chose surfing it for its laid-back west coast vibe.

How do you feel about your work for the Timber Corporation?

It’s mostly really boring, but it has its moments.

Why did you hire an alligator on your executive team?

Look, I don’t just hire minorities for the sake of hiring minorities. I really believe this alligator has what it takes to promote our business. When it comes to negotiations, he’s got that intimidation factor. And he’s not just “an alligator”: you can call him Tyler, or Mr. Alligator.

Who is your best friend?

I don’t have any friends. I only have admirers, buddies, or pals.

Why is that?

I’m not as stupid as I look: I can tell when people genuinely want to be my friends, and that’s never.

What are you most afraid of?

My father.

What did your father think of your most recent interview for Narcissism Carnival?

He thought it was an embarrassment to him, and that I came across as a hippie. I didn’t expect anything else. Since I didn’t say in my interview that I wanted to ruthlessly quash all competition and cut down every single tree on the planet, my dad would naturally assume I was a hippie.

How do you feel about Solena?

She’s an intriguing woman. I think there’s a mystery about her, and that makes her very attractive!

3 thoughts on “Dryad Characters: Rodney Love

  1. Pingback: Christian Grey vs. Rodney Love | Sonya Solomonovich

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